GUILT OF BEING PRIVILEGED: HOW IT CAN SELF-SABOTAGE YOU?

What I notice is that this “voice” inside of me “how pathetic you are for feeling sad when others suffer more”, is not simply gratitude. It is closer to what psychology calls a defense mechanism.

According to Freud and Anna Freud theory: defense mechanisms are unconscious strategies that the mind uses to protect us from painful thoughts or feelings. They are not necessarily “bad”, they can help us cope, but when overused, they can distort reality and block authentic emotional processing.

Based on Saul McLeod’s article “Defense Mechanisms in Psychology Explained (+ Examples),” which draws on the work of Sigmund Freud and Anna Freud, I concluded that the guilt of being privileged often activates two particular defenses:

• Displacement / Comparison: Instead of sitting with my raw sadness, frustration, or grief, I compare my life to those suffering “more” and displace my emotions by telling myself I have no right to feel them.

• Intellectualization / Rationalization: I move into reasoning, analyzing my social position, privilege, or global inequality, as a way to avoid directly experiencing the messy feeling underneath.
  

This is where self-sabotage comes in, as on the surface, these defenses look like humility, compassion, or awareness of global suffering. But on a deeper level, they may function as a block to emotional honesty. The mind tells me: “Your pain doesn’t count. Don’t go there.”

Yet the truth is: all humans feel!

Emotions are part of our adaptive system as they signal unmet needs, unresolved experiences, and parts of us seeking integration. If we deny them because of guilt, we miss the opportunity for healing.

In fact, researchers distinguish between healthy guilt (which motivates us to act ethically) and toxic guilt (which shames us into silence or avoidance). As Psychology Today explains in “What’s the Difference Between Healthy and Unhealthy Guilt?”, healthy guilt helps us see when we've done wrong and encourages repair, whereas unhealthy guilt becomes excessive, misplaced, or drains our emotional well-being. The “guilt of privilege” can slide into this toxic zone when it prevents us from acknowledging our own humanity.

So, paradoxically, the very mechanism that tries to make us “better people” by reminding us of others' suffering can also sabotage our inner growth. Allowing space for our emotions doesn’t diminish awareness of global suffering, it deepens our capacity to hold both.

Note: English isn’t my first language. I write my articles in my own words and then use ChatGPT to help me smooth out the language so they’re easier to read and understand.